6 Step Method to Handle Difficult People
6 step method to handle difficult people
On occasion, you have to handle difficult people.
But there are two major contexts in which that can occur:
- When you are the one who is taking the initiative to speak first.
- When the other person is the one who is taking the initiative to speak first.
Meaning: you are minding your own business, when suddenly, WHAM! out of nowhere, an angry person appears and starts to give you grief.
That grief may be born out of something that you did wrong, or it might be born out of some complaint over poor service or over what someone else has said.
Whatever the initial cause of the problem, the angry person has taken you by surprise and you have to suddenly deal with this difficult person.
What to do???
How should I deal with a difficult person?
Here are the six steps to deal with the difficult person
Here is the method in brief. Read it, and then we will go through it step by step.
- Listen
- Empathise
- Question
- Answer
- Confirm
- Close
Let us go through the 6 conflict management steps, one by one.
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1. Listen
Listen without too much interruption.
Let the other person talk themselves out. Let them get it off their chest.
Don't argue. Just listen. Nod your head. Wait. Take some mental notes. Keep breathing.
After a while the other person will slow down and will ask you for a response.
2. Empathise
Show some empathy for the other person's feelings. Reflect back what you think is the essence of their complaint.
Say something like, "So if I am reading you correctly, you are angry because you have not received what you were promised, is that right?"
3. Question
Now you have got the emotions out of the way, it is time to uncover the facts.
Question the person to discover the facts behind the feelings.
What exactly has gone wrong?
What was the original agreement?
Made by whom?
With whom?
When?
What exactly has happened since that time?
4. Answer
When you have your facts straight, then give the best answer that your knowledge and company policy permits.
Tell them what you can do. Tell them what you cannot do.
Make sure the other person understands your answer. Note that they don't have to like your answer. They don't have to agree with your answer. But they must understand the reason for your answer.
5. Confirm understanding
Summarise your answer and check that the other person understands your answer.
You must make your answer clearly understandable and logically reasonable.
- Be clear
- Be logical
If they don't like your answer, go back to stage one and repeat stages 1 through to 5.
6. Close the conversation
Once the answer is understood and if agreement is gained, then close the conversation and move away from the difficult person.
Once an agreement is gained, DON'T KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT.
If you have an agreement, leave the scene.
If you have no agreement, then refers the complainant to the next level up the organisational hierarchy.
If you have an agreement but can't leave the scene, then change the subject of the conversation.
In any case, don't keep talking about the contentious topic.
Once you have an agreement, stop talking.
Summary of how to deal with difficult people.
Here is the six step method, in brief:
- Listen without interruption
- Empathise with their feelings
- Question down to get the facts
- Answer their complaint
- Confirm understanding of your answer. (If necessary return to point one)
- Close the conversation
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Definition: Six-step conflict management method
The six-step conflict management method is a business process that guides you through a fixed order of actions-listen, empathise, question, answer, confirm and close-to calm a difficult person and settle a dispute. It mixes emotional acknowledgement with fact-finding, gives a clear policy-based answer, checks understanding and ends the talk so the issue does not reignite.
Show CG4D Definition
- Follows the six fixed steps in strict order: listen, empathise, question, answer, confirm, close
- Starts by giving the upset person uninterrupted time to speak and vent
- Balances emotional validation with factual probing before stating a policy-based solution
- Ends by checking understanding and terminating the conversation to prevent further conflict
Article Summary
When a clash flares up, pause, listen and show you understand; then ask calm questions, give a clear fair answer, check they grasp it and end the talk. This six-step plan turns a difficult person into a solved problem.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some questions that frequently get asked about this topic during our training sessions.
What is the first step when someone starts shouting at me?
How do I show empathy without agreeing with them?
Why should I ask questions after listening?
What if the person dislikes my answer?
How do I confirm they understand the solution?
When is the right time to close the conversation?
Does the six-step method work with colleagues as well as customers?
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Did You Know: Key Statistics
ACAS estimated in 2021 that workplace conflict costs UK employers £28.5 billion a year, equal to about £1,000 for every employee. The CIPD Good Work Index 2023 found that 35% of UK staff dealt with a dispute or difficult relationship at work in the past 12 months, up from 29% in 2020.About the Author: Chris Farmer
Chris Farmer is the founder of the Corporate Coach Group and has many years' experience in training leaders and managers, in both the public and private sectors, to achieve their organisational goals, especially during tough economic times. He is also well aware of the disciplines and problems associated with running a business.
Over the years, Chris has designed and delivered thousands of training programmes and has coached and motivated many management teams, groups and individuals. His training programmes are both structured and clear, designed to help delegates organise their thinking and, wherever necessary, to improve their techniques and skills.
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Further Reading in Conflict Management and Handling Difficult People
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Is the Karpman Drama Triangle Good for Resolving Conflicts?
Discover why the Karpman Drama Triangle fails and how a clear, rational, positive approach creates faster, fairer conflict management that benefits every side.
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Fixing Bad Relationships at Work
Struggling with conflict? Fixing workplace relationships needs clarity, rationality and positivity. Use calm language, drop verbal anger and rebuild trust.
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How to Manage Bullying in the Workplace
Learn how to manage workplace bullying with a twelve-step process, legal tips and policy advice. Stop physical, verbal and positional abuse; protect teams.
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How to Deal with Conflict Situations
Learn a simple three-step conflict management method: stay calm, state facts, ask for change. Boost communication skills and resolve workplace clashes fast.
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How to deal with a bully at work
Learn how to deal with a bully at work in seven assertive steps: refuse subservience, name bad behaviour, set limits, and know when to report bullying.
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