De-Escalation Skills
De-escalation Skills
To de-escalate a conflict situation, here are the skills you need to master.
1. When you are angry, say nothing, write nothing and send nothing.
2. Do not emotionalise or dramatise, your verbal description of the conflict or the personalities involved.
3. Instead, focus on the facts of the case and strive to objectify your description of the situation.
4. Assume a that negotiated solution to the conflict does exist and strive to find it.
5. Remember your aim is the re-establishment of a working relationship with the other party.
6. Always remain calm, objective, factual, and be professional at all times.
7. Self-discipline
De-escalation of a conflict
Sometimes, when a conflict arises, it can quickly escalate into a full-blooded argument.
Such arguments become dangerous to the organisation, since the productivity of the organisation is dependent on a sense of mutual cooperation between its members.
When the escalated conflict smashes the cooperative spirit of the team, the whole organisation suffers.
It is therefore necessary to know how to de-escalate a conflict situation and protect yourself from the potentially catastrophic damage that it can cause to your organisation.
Here are the steps to de-escalate a conflict.
1. When you are angry, say nothing, write nothing, and send nothing.
Do not indulge yourself by engaging in emotional outbursts. You cannot afford that luxury.
In any case, emotional outbursts never work-out well. They make a bad situation worse.
Learn to keep your mouth shut, when you are angry or upset.
Say nothing, do nothing, and wait a while. Wait and allow your emotional-responses to simmer down.
Remove yourself from the situation and let your intellect regain control over your emotional mind.
Allow your intellect a chance to work-the-problem in a more logical, rational and objective manner.
Think it through, step by step.
2. Do not emotionalise or dramatise, your verbal description of the conflict or the personalities involved.
When people are angry they use dangerous, highly charged language, which will almost certainly make matters worse, by triggering equal and opposite, countermeasure responses in the minds of the opposition.
To de-escalate a conflict situation, you should say nothing that will "sting" the other so much that the other person can no longer work with you.
This is the escalation of tension which you must avoid.
3. Instead, focus on the facts of the case and strive to objectify your description of the situation.
Get beyond the emotions, and go back to the facts of the case, and the logic of the situation.
Never attack the opponent's personality or reputation, instead, restrict yourself to commenting on what they actually said and did, but not who they are.
If you attack them personally, then you will escalate the emotions and make matters worse.
4. Assume a that negotiated solution to the conflict does exist and strive to find it.
Find the middle ground solution that exists between three fields of possibility:
- What you want.
- What the other party wants.
- What is logically possible.
The intersection of these three fields is where the solution will be found.
Notice how small the intersection between the three fields is.
It is tiny and therefore, sometimes it is very hard to find.
Invite the other party to the negotiation table, show them the diagram.
Tell them there are three sides to the situation and ask them to cooperate with you to find the middle ground solution.
5. Remember your aim is the re-establishment of a working relationship with the other party.
You need to re-establish a mutually beneficial working relationship with the other party, otherwise both will suffer negative consequences.
6. Always remain calm, objective, factual and be professional at all times.
Limit your language. Always be calm, objective and factual. Keep your voice tone and body language within strictly controlled limits; be professional at all times.
Find the middle ground solution that sits between the three fields of possibility.
7. Self-discipline
Irrespective of circumstances or whatever the provocation, always maintain your poise and emotional equilibrium.
This requires that you must develop self-discipline.
Self-discipline is a tough skill to master, but when you do, it will pay you big dividends over time.
Definition: Conflict de-escalation
Conflict de-escalation is a workplace process that steers a heated dispute back to calm. You do it by pausing angry reactions, using neutral words, talking about clear facts not people, and guiding the talk towards a shared, possible answer. Remove any one of these steps and tension will rise again.
Show CG4D Definition
- Demands active self-control that blocks angry outbursts.
- Uses calm, neutral, fact-based words at every stage.
- Searches for the small overlap between both needs and what is possible.
- Restores a working relationship so future cooperation can continue.
Article Summary
True conflict de-escalation starts with self-control: pause, drop blame, speak only facts and hunt for the tiny patch of shared goals; guide talks there and tempers fall while teamwork returns.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some questions that frequently get asked about this topic during our training sessions.
What should I do first to manage anger at work during a dispute?
Why does emotional language hinder conflict de-escalation?
How does focusing on facts, not personalities, calm communication?
What is the 'middle ground' when negotiating a workplace disagreement?
How can I keep a professional tone when voices rise?
Why are self-discipline skills key to prevent escalation?
How do I restore a working relationship after an argument?
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Did You Know: Key Statistics
A 2024 CIPD study says workplace conflict costs UK firms about £1,300 per worker each year in lost output. Gallup’s 2024 State of the Global Workplace report finds staff who speak up early in a dispute are nearly three times more likely to feel calm within a week.About the Author: Chris Farmer
Chris Farmer is the founder of the Corporate Coach Group and has many years' experience in training leaders and managers, in both the public and private sectors, to achieve their organisational goals, especially during tough economic times. He is also well aware of the disciplines and problems associated with running a business.
Over the years, Chris has designed and delivered thousands of training programmes and has coached and motivated many management teams, groups and individuals. His training programmes are both structured and clear, designed to help delegates organise their thinking and, wherever necessary, to improve their techniques and skills.
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