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Managing Difficult People

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Posted 26 November 2013 by Chris FarmerChris Farmer

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Managing difficult people

At work, are there some people that are difficult to deal with?

Yes.

The problem is this: you don't really get on with these people, but you cannot avoid them, because you work with them.

In your private life you can choose with whom you spend your time. But at work, (and in the family) you cannot choose: you have to accept what you are given.
If you have to sit next to, and work with, a person who you find difficult, then, you are stuck with him, or her.

You are going to have to learn to deal with this person

But of course there are many ways a person may be difficult.

Here are three of the most common ways a person may be difficult and a note on what to do in order to manage this type of person.

1. They talk too much

Some people like to hear the sound of their own voice: It is music to their ears. But he has not got an inkling that he is boring you to tears.

Solution: memorise the following phrase and say it to the person who wants to talk too much:

"Steve, I know you have a lot you want to tell me, but the fact is, that I must focus my mind on this for a while. So would you please tell me your story later, and for now, would you please, let me concentrate on this?"

2. They have a negative attitude

Negative people are negative for two reasons:

First reason for being negative

They are negative because they believe that the future will be worse than the present. This induces worry, fear, pessimism, anxiety, and cynicism.

Second reason for being negative

They are negative because they keep thinking of all the bad things that have happened to them in the past. And they keep replaying the memories of all their defeats, setbacks, injuries and injustices. As a result, this thinking makes them angry, bitter, irritable and upset.

Some people dwell on both sets combined:

all the bad things that have happened to them in the past; and all the bad things they expect to happen in the future: So now you have a perfect storm of negative emotions: anger, bitterness, irritation, fear, pessimistic anxiety and cynicism.

The way to deal with this person is to ask them questions that presuppose that the future will be better than the present. And do it all the time, consistently, for months.

o Ask questions like, "What are your goals for the next six months?"

o Ask him questions like, "In your opinion, what is the best way to do this?"

o Ask him, "How do you think we could make this better?"

Remember that you can't make someone change, but you can influence them to change, by asking them questions that cause them to think about how the future will be better than the present.

Optimism is based upon the belief that the future will be better than the present. And so your mission is to keep the conversations based on that premise.

Do it on purpose; do it consistently. Don't let him bend the conversation back to how the past was bad and how the future will be worse.

IT is a battle of wills

But you have an advantage. You know that you are in a battle of wills, and he does not know. You are acting according to a plan; he is acting on habit pattern and unconscious conditioning.

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3. The other person is disorganised

The other person is disorganised and inefficient. This often goes hand in hand with, being un-tidy and ill prepared.

The only way to handle this person is to keep asking for his plans for next week, next month and next year. Keep using the P list words.

The p list words are:

  • Planning
  • Preparation
  • Prioritisation
  • Prevention

Keep talking to him (or her,) in terms of these four p-list words.

"How are your preparations for the next month's event coming along?"

"Have you got your plans sorted yet?"

"How can we prevent errors from occurring like they did last time?"

Planning, preparation, prioritisation and prevention are the key words and concepts that you must drive into this person's subconscious mind; through dint of repetition and the incessant asking of suggestive questions.

Your secret mission is to brain wash this character with a constant bombardment of his subconscious mind of the p list concepts, planning, preparation, prioritisation and prevention, through conversational suggestion.

After a while, you will notice a slight improvement in his behaviour. If you keep influencing him to think in terms of Planning, preparation, prioritisation and prevention, then his actions will begin to follow suit.

Try it and see for yourself.

It's fun.

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