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Present Yourself Positively

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Posted 19 June 2015 by Chris FarmerChris Farmer

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You may find the following will help with your Persuasive Communication skills training.

Present Yourself Positively

You need people to judge you in a positive way.

People judge you on four things;

  1. Everything you say;
  2. Everything you do;
  3. How you look; and
  4. How you sound.

In order to succeed at a higher level, you need to gain the greater confidence of other people. You need to trigger, in their minds, positive thoughts and feelings.

  1. If you can trigger positive thoughts and feelings, then they will think of you as an inspirational character.
  2. If you cannot trigger positive thoughts and feelings, in the minds of others, then they won't think of you much as an inspirational character. Which is bad, but what is worse is...
  3. If you trigger NEGATIVE thoughts and feelings, in the minds of others, then they will think of you as a negative influence; or, depending on what you are doing and saying, they will think of you as a Grump, or Mr Angry, or as a Wimp, or as a Self-Pity Personality, or as one of any number of negative personality types.

So the question stands: how can you best orchestrate your communication so that you present yourself to the world in such a way that you tend to create, in the minds of others, positive impressions, positive thoughts and positive feelings, and thus gain their confidence, and thus make more progress?

That's a tall order. Yes, but not that tall.

We can do it if we think it through and work on each of the four sets in turn.

As already stated, people judge you on four things; everything you say; everything you do; how you look; and how you sound.

So let us look at each in turn and make observations on each.

1. Everything you say

People judge you based on your use of language and what you talk about.

Positive PersonWhat you talk about: This is the most important thing to focus on.

You need to become VERY conscious about what it is that you talk about.

If you want to come across well, then do this:

  • Talk in optimistic terms about the future.
  • Pick out things in the current moment that is good, attractive or is improving.
  • DON'T talk excessively about your fears for what might go wrong.
  • DON'T tell people all about your upsets and worries and bad luck.
  • Don't tell people about why you are angry with whomever.
  • Do talk about your goals and your plans to make the future better than the past.
  • Do ask people about their goals and their plans.
  • Don't allow others to talk about their anger, their frustrations, and their fears, for very long, before you consciously bend the conversation into the direction of future goals plans and optimistic visions of a better future.

Number one tip: Keep a close eye on the content of the conversation and exercise a constant vigil on the content and make sure that it is mostly upbeat and progressive.

Only a minority share of the conversation should be of a negative nature, (20% of the time allotted to fear, anger, bitterness, revenge and upsets, and 80% of the time allotted to goals, plans, optimistic view of a better future.)

The above point is crucial information.

Ponder the implications to the changes required to your conversations.

Your use of language. If you talk nicely, then you will make a better impression than if you talk in rough tones and in rough terms.

If you are polite to people, you move up the scale, if you are rude or short with people, then you move down. If you never swear or use profane language, then you move up, and to the degree that you swear or use profane language, you move down.

Become conscious of the quality of your vocabulary.

Throw out the bad, and emphasise the good use of language.

2. Everything you do

What you talk about is important. But you have heard the saying; Talk is cheap.

Meaning: let us look at what you do, not at what you say you do.

Actions speak louder than words.

To be a positive influence you need to act in accordance with the principles stated above.

Meaning: spend at least 80% of your waking hours working to achieve your goals: planning, prepping and preventing problems. Don't only tell people you are positive, show them you are positive.

Be an inspiration by the fact of your act.

Act the role of an inspiration.

Drop all habits that conform to fear, anger, bitterness and revenge. These are ugly motivations.

Accentuate all habits that conform to optimism, goal focus, achievement, health and happiness.

Do it on purpose, as a skill set.

3. How you look

People will judge you partially on how you look.

If you look like a defeated tramp, then that is what people will take you as.

If you look like a happy and successful person, then that is what people will assume you to be, unless and until, you give them evidence to the contrary.

Contrary to popular belief, looks do matter.

If they did not, then the cosmetics industry would not exist. But the cosmetics industry is worth $265 billion annually and so we can assume that people DO put a psychological emphasis on visual impact.

So if you want to impress, then dress the part.

An actor wears the clothes that correspond to the role he or she is playing. So should you.

Be cautious that you have dressed in a manner that is consistent with your goals, not with your upbringing.

It is not only your clothes that are important, so is your body language.

Now we are talking about:

  • Your body posture.
  • Your handshake.
  • Your arm gestures.
  • Your hand gestures.
  • Your facial expression.
  • Your eye contact.
  • The degree to which you fidget or don't.
  • The degree to which you smile and laugh, or don't.

All of these are the subject of serious study.

Take your time and go over each one, with a fine tooth comb, and figure out what improvements you could and should make.

4. How you sound

People judge your levels of authority and confidence partly on your voice tones.

  • Louder tones sound more confident than quiet, timid tones.
  • Deeper tones sound more authoritative than juvenile, high pitched, shrill tones.
  • Slower pace delivery sounds more considered than slick, fast-talking-salesman delivery.
  • And then there is the issue of regional and national accents.
  • Some accents are difficult to understand by people who don't share that accent. For example; a strong Glaswegian accent is often difficult to understand by a non-Scot.
  • So you need to make each element the subject of some serious study.
  • Volume.
  • Pitch.
  • Pace.
  • Accent.

Again, take your time and go over each one, figure out what improvements you could and should make. Be cautious that you speak in a manner that is consistent with your goals, not your upbringing.

Summary

Think about the following elements.

  • What you talk about. (This is the most important element in inspiring others.)
  • Your habitual vocabulary.
  • How you act. (This is the second most important element in inspiring others.)
  • Be a positive role model.
  • How you use your body to communicate. (Like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt or Jenifer Aniston, dress for the role you want to play in life).
  • How you dress.
  • Your voice tones.

Think it through.

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