Influencing Skills - Being Right is Not Enough to Win
Influencing Skills
Being right is not enough to win. You can be right and still lose if you use the wrong tactics.
If you are right, but you word your message carelessly then you could easily lose-out to a person with a weaker idea, but who can explain it properly.
So, it is important to have two things in your favour:
- A good idea
- The ability to explain it in such a way that it is, understandable, attractive and memorable
Equally, it is important NOT to trigger any negative emotional responses in the listener.
Remember that people will judge things both logically and emotionally, and frequently the emotional part of them will dominate their final decision.
So, is a short list of DO and DON'Ts to enhance your chances of winning, as a communicator.
A short list of DON'T s
1. Don't be too pushy
Have you ever heard the saying, "pushy sales man"? People can be TOO pushy, sometimes.
Nobody likes to be pushed. If you push someone too hard, eventually he will push back.
So, try to be a little more subtle.
For instance, if a woman wants her man to change his shirt before they go out for the evening, she might say "Go and change your shirt, before we go out."
But now she sounds like his MOTHER!
Instead she might ask (with that special look in her eye), "Darling, are you going to wear that grubby work shirt tonight or are you going to wear that lovely purple shirt I bought you at Christmas?
We all know which shirt he will be wearing, but he thinks it was his idea!
2. Don't neglect to prepare
Don't neglect to prepare your answers to three questions about any idea you have.
The three questions for which you must prepare answers for are:
i. What exactly is the essence of this idea, in a nutshell?
You should have a way of expressing your idea in its essence. Reduce your idea to a one liner, if possible. This is the attention grabber: the hook. Without it your listener will attempt to avoid hearing the longer version.
ii. What benefit does it offer
You have got to demonstrate quickly, how this will benefit the listener: assume for a moment that most people (deep down) are self-interested. If your idea isn't going to benefit them, they are less interested.
So you must make that point quickly.
iii. How would one put it into practice
It must be shown how it will work in practice.
If it is a good idea but seems impractical, then it will be ignored.
You must show HOW it can be done.
If you can and do answer these three questions, you are doing well as a communicator.
If you cannot answer them, you are not!
3. Don't argue for entertainment value
Some people just love to argue. They treat it like a sport.
They think they are superior when they beat other people in arguments; which is fine, except they don't actually win any prize worth having. Instead, such types win the reputation for being argumentative and difficult company.
Don't be afraid to argue your case; argue strongly for the things you believe in. But balance that with being "agreeable", most of the time.
Argue only about things that are important. Don't argue about trivia.
It the guy asserts that East Enders is better than Coronation Street, then smile serenely and cordially agree.
The List of DO's
1. Do prepare your message
Your parents told you to think before you speak. That is sage advice.
Choose your words carefully.
For example, what if you meant to say "What's troubling you?"
But what you actually said was: "What's wrong with you?"
What if you meant to say "I am sorry, I was wrong?"
But you said, "You started it!"
Words create pictures in the mind of your listener. And the pictures trigger emotions.
So think carefully about the pictures that your words are painting. Are they consistent with the results that you want?
The key to your improved communication is your realisation that words create pictures in the mind.
Paint good pictures!
4. Get the timing right
You can have the right idea - but at the wrong time. Pick your moment!
As Victor Hugo wrote: "There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come."
Don't try to sell your idea if your listener is distracted, or in a bad mood, or in company.
Sell your idea when your listener is:
- In a receptive mood,
- in need of answers, and
- more ready to listen
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat
Please remember that most of what people hear goes in one ear and out the other. Most of what you see and hear is forgotten. UNLESS:
- It is important
- Is unusual
- It is shocking
- it is repeated
So, in order to get your message into the memory bank of the person you are trying to persuade, you will almost certainly have to repeat it.
Dominic O'Brian, eight times world memory champion, says that he must review material five times or more, before it sticks in the memory. And he was the world number one memory man!
You must go over it more than once if you want it to stick in the mind.
As Napoleon Bonaparte said: "It has been my observation that, Repetition is the strongest argument". Then he said it again!
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Influencing Decisions When You're Not the Most Senior Person
Definition: Influencing skills
In business, influencing skills are the set of abilities that let a person change how others think or act. The person must speak in clear short words, show how the idea helps the listener, keep feelings positive, and share the point at the right time while repeating it until it sticks.
Show CG4D Definition
- Speaks with clear short words the listener grasps
- Shows direct gain for the listener
- Keeps tone calm to avoid negative feelings
- Times and repeats the point so it is remembered
Article Summary
Influencing skills mean more than having the facts; you persuade when you give a clear hook, state the benefit, show a simple plan, speak at the right time, stay calm not pushy, and repeat the key idea until it lands.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some questions that frequently get asked about this topic during our training sessions.
Why can I be right yet still fail to persuade?
How do I stop sounding pushy when sharing an idea?
What three questions should I prepare before pitching?
Why does timing affect influence?
How often should I repeat key points?
How can I argue my case without seeming difficult?
What is a one-line hook and why use it?
Thought of something that's not been answered? Ask Us Today!
Did You Know: Key Statistics
In 2021 the Project Management Institute found that 29% of failed projects named weak communication as the main cause. Gallup’s 2023 global study shows workers who get clear feedback each day are over three times more likely to feel engaged.About the Author: Chris Farmer
Chris Farmer is the founder of the Corporate Coach Group and has many years' experience in training leaders and managers, in both the public and private sectors, to achieve their organisational goals, especially during tough economic times. He is also well aware of the disciplines and problems associated with running a business.
Over the years, Chris has designed and delivered thousands of training programmes and has coached and motivated many management teams, groups and individuals. His training programmes are both structured and clear, designed to help delegates organise their thinking and, wherever necessary, to improve their techniques and skills.
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