What is the Betari/Betaris Box?
What is the Betari Box?
The Betari box is a mental model that shows how your attitudes affect the way other people respond to you, and therefore, if you change your attitudes towards others, you can cause them to change their behaviour towards you.
People respond to you in habitual ways, most are nice to you, but some are not.
It is tempting to think that their behaviour is an expression of their innate personality. And to a degree, of course, that is true.
But the weird thing is that THEIR behaviour is also an expression of YOUR personality.
How is THEIR behaviour an expression of MY personality?
Because people respond to their environment, and YOUR behaviour is part of THEIR environment.
Your behaviour is also an expression of your attitudes.
If you have a positive attitude towards the person you are meeting, then your attitude will affect every aspect of your communication. Your attitude will affect your facial expression, your voice tones, and the words you use. Your attitude will affect your level of respect and how much you pay attention to the other person.
Negative attitudes trigger negative responses in others.
If you approach a person and, based upon their physical appearance, you take a negative attitude, then that attitude will NEGATIVELY affect how you talk, and treat the other person.
If you talk to the other person in a negative way, (based upon your interpretation of their appearance) then the other person is likely to respond to you in similar fashion.
The other person would tend to be cold, and possibly even hostile.
You may think that their hostile behaviour is an expression of their innate personality, but in truth, it was the REFLECTION of your unconscious behaviour, which was based upon your own negative attitudes.
Positive attitudes trigger positive responses.
On the other hand, if you were to reassess and UPGRADE your attitudes, towards certain types of people, then that would change the way you talk, act and react to those types, whenever you meet them.
If you developed a more sympathetic assessment of that person, then the other person would notice the difference and would be very likely to respond to you in a warmer, more sympathetic and friendly fashion.
You may think that they have changed their personality, but in truth, their friendly manner is merely a REFLECTION of your more positive behaviour, which itself was based upon your own upgraded attitude.
Attitudes affect behaviour and behaviour affect attitudes.
Human relationships are self-reinforcing, mutually dependent systems, that look like this:
Betari box: The other person's behaviour may be a mirror of YOUR attitudes.
If you don't like my behaviour, it is very tempting to think that I must change.
And maybe it's true; maybe I do need to change.
But do not be too closed to the idea, that it could be YOU that needs to change.
It could be that the other's behaviour is merely a MIRROR of YOUR attitudes.
If you want people to treat you better, then change your attitude to others; start by radiating a good humoured, warm, trusting and friendly attitude.
The chances are that you will find the world to be suddenly populated by many more friendly people than ever before.
It seems to be a miracle, but it is really all done with mirrors!
About the Author: Chris Farmer
Chris Farmer is the founder of the Corporate Coach Group and has many years’ experience in training leaders and managers, in both the public and private sectors, to achieve their organisational goals, especially during tough economic times. He is also well aware of the disciplines and problems associated with running a business.
Over the years, Chris has designed and delivered thousands of training programmes and has coached and motivated many management teams, groups and individuals. His training programmes are both structured and clear, designed to help delegates organise their thinking and, wherever necessary, to improve their techniques and skills.
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