Communication Skills: Do you inspire other people?

Thinking about the way you affect others, do you tend to inspire positive emotions in other people, or do you tend to leave them emotionally unaffected, or do you think you might sometimes depress people?

This is an important question. Let us assume that there are three types of people in your life.

1. People who raise your spirits; they make you feel better.
2. People who don't much raise your spirits. They don't make you feel anything in particular.
3. People who depress your spirits; they make you feel worse.

And looking at this from the other perspective, you yourself will fall into one of these three categories. The big question is, which one are you?

• Obviously we want to fall into the top category. We would like to think of ourselves as the kind of person who has a positive effect on others.
• We would not like to think of ourselves as being a person who leaves people unmoved.
• And we certainly would not like to think of ourselves as a person who depresses others, or makes others feel upset, or irritated or annoyed.

But can you be sure that you don't? I would like to make a suggestion:

Become more conscious of the emotional effect you have upon others

Rather than being oblivious to the effect you have on others, begin to consciously notice whether you are having a positive, or a neutral, or a negative effect on the mood of those around you. After only one day you will begin to notice a trend.

• If you are raising people spirits, then that is great, and you should do it even more.
• If you are leaving people unaffected by your presence, then you should think how you might consciously raise people spirits.
• If you are making people more irritated, upset, angry or depressed, then you definitely should be thinking about making some changes in the way you communicate.

What changes should you make, to have a more positive effect on others?

Here are five ways to improve the mood of others

1. Ask people about their plans for the future. Everyone has goals and plans for the future. And talking about them tends to raise the spirits.

2. Give a person a genuine compliment. Everyone has or does something that you could honestly compliment. Find the thing about them that is worthy of a compliment and then give them the honest compliment. Warning, don't give a fake or insincere compliment. Give only genuine compliments and you will raise their spirits.

3. Don't complain to others. Try to curtail your tendency to bitch, moan and winge about other people, the government, the managers or the weather. Nobody likes a grump.

4. Speak in optimistic terms about the future. Most commentary in the media suggests a gloomy future. We're doomed! So there are many people who are pessimistic about the future. If you could radiate a little optimism, then others would feel that and respond accordingly.

5. Use your body language and voice tones well. Your body language and voice tones will have an effect on the others mood. Don't show a dismal facial expression that radiates bad humour. Don't have a flat monotone or dreary voice tone. Instead of that, try to smile a little more often. Keep your voice tones bright and cheery. Remember that it is often not what you say, but the way you say it, that makes the difference in the way others respond to you emotionally.

Become more conscious of the effect you are having in the minds and emotions of others

• Try not to have a negative effect.
• Try not to have a neutral effect.
• Try to have a positive effect.

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