Three Levels of Listening
Definition: Listening is a communication skill which can be graded into three levels;
- Pretending to listen.
- Listen with intent to reply.
- Listen with intent to understand.
Level one: Pretending to listen.
Pretending to listen is when we try to appear as if we are listening, when in reality, we are thinking about something completely different. We all do it sometimes. Some people do it most of the time.
Speaker says, "I don't like what the government is doing on taxes, do you?".
Listener says, "It's half past six".
Level two: Listening with intent to reply.
Listening with intent to reply is the most common form of listening. It has two distinctly different forms.
1. Listening in order to link your own narrative onto the speakers.
This is when a person tells you that they did something, which triggers a memory of something similar.
Speaker says, "I went surfing at Woolacombe beach last weekend"
Listener says, "As a kid, we used to holiday in Woolacombe every year. I love it there".
2. Listening in order to reply or disprove.
This is when a person gives an opinion and the listener attempts to dismantle it.
Speaker says, "I am going to buy an electric car in order to save the planet"
Listener says, "If you think electric cars are good for the planet, then you obviously have not done your research".
Level three: Listening with intent to understand.
This is the highest form of listening and is done least frequently. When using this method, we suspend our critical thinking and we ask more questions, in order to discover not only WHAT the person thinks, but also WHY they think it and HOW it makes them feel.
Consequently, this listening style is sometimes called "empathic listening".
Speaker says, "I am going to buy an electric car in order to do my bit for the planet"
Listener says, "Are you concerned for the state of the planet?" "What do you think individuals can do?" "How do you see things changing over the next five years?"
When listening with intent to understand, we ask questions, which encourages speakers to keep talking.
Good conversationalists don't have to say much.
Good conversationalists ask good questions which cause others to take the majority share of the conversation time.
Remember that when we are speaking, we are not learning.
We gain most information, only when we listen with intent to understand.
Communication Skills Training
Listening skills is just one aspect of our Communication Skills Training course. This course helps develop your communication skills so you can communicate with more clarity, confidence and persuasiveness.
Empathic listening
Empathic listening is a business communication listening approach where you put your own view on hold, give full attention, ask open questions, and seek to grasp both the facts and feelings behind the words. If any of these four actions is missing, you no longer listen with empathy.
CG4D Definition
Context: Business communication
Genus: Listening approach
- Listener holds back own judgement and planned reply
- Listener gives full verbal and non-verbal attention
- Listener asks open questions to explore ideas and feelings
- Listener aims to understand both facts and emotions before responding
Article Summary
True listening moves through three clear levels: we first pretend, then listen only to reply, and finally listen to understand; reach that top level by holding back your reply, asking open questions and letting others share, and you earn trust, insight and better results.