How to improve active listening skills.
Listening is an important communication skill. Being a good listener promotes better understanding of colleagues, reduces conflict and enhances personal relationships.
Listening is also one of the primary methods you have for gathering information.
How many times have you sat in a meeting and afterwards cannot remember what went on? You were either mentally distracted or you were not actively listening to what people were saying.
Here are five ways to improve your active listening skills:
- Give the other person your undivided attention.
- Don't try to trump the other persons' story.
- Try to visualise what the other is saying.
- Ask clarifying questions.
- Consider their feelings.
1. Give the other person your undivided attention.
The key to good listening is to pay attention. Many people only pretend to listen, when in reality, they are thinking about what they want to say, when the current speaker stops talking.
Give the other person your full, undivided attention.
Don't allow yourself to be distracted by your own thoughts or other things around you. Instead, look at your speaker, and pay close attention to the content of their message.
2. Don't try to trump the other person's story.
Don't fall into the trap of competing with the other person.
If Bob says, "I've had a tough day", then don't compete by saying, "You've had a tough day? Wait until you hear about my day!"
Treating conversation as if it were a competition is a bad-habit.
Don't compete. Allow the other person to take the limelight.
3. Try to visualise what the other is saying.
As you listen, don't be mentally passive. Be active.
Actively try to visualise what the other is saying, so that you can see it as, "a movie in the mind".
The ability to take the other person's words and see them in your mind's-eye is the crux of active listening.
This "mental-movie making" requires a conscious effort on your part. It does require effort, but you will reap the rewards.
4. Ask clarifying questions.
Some people speak using ambiguous language and it is almost impossible to fully visualise what they mean.
If you cannot form a mental image, then ask additional questions, until you can.
If the speaker says something you disagree with, don't' argue with them directly. Instead, ask questions.
Ask questions that will give the specifics of a situation. For example, if Bob says, "He disrespected me." then, that sentence is impossible to visualise, until you know exactly HOW Bob was disrespected.
"When you say that, what do you mean specifically?".
"If we did that, what do you think would happen?"
Ask "What do you think caused it?" "What else happened?" or "Who else was involved?" "When did it happen?" and "Where did it happen?"
5. Consider their feelings.
Everything that happens triggers an emotional response. So, it is often good to ask, "How did you feel about that?"
Most people like to talk about their feelings, so this is a particularly good question to keep the conversation going.
Empathise with them, even if their feelings are based on beliefs you don't share.
Listening to develop better relationships
Listening is a great way to build relationships because most people are more interested in their own opinion than in your opinion.
So listen to what they have to say, without too much interruption and without too many arguments. This does not mean that you have to agree with everything the other person says, it just means that you shouldn't make an issue of it. By the clever use of questions you can often get your point of view across.
To promote conversation, give the other person a generous supply of smiles, nods, affirmations and encouragements.
Let the other person do 80% of the talking, and you will find that you will gain the reputation for being a good conversationalist; which is interesting because you didn't say much. You mostly listened. Good listeners are good conversationalists!
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Active listening
Active listening is a workplace communication skill in which you give full attention to the speaker, silence your own inner talk, signal that you follow, and check both facts and feelings with questions. Together these steps change talk into clear shared meaning and trust.
CG4D Definition
Context: Workplace communication
Genus: Communication skill
- Gives full, undivided attention to the speaker
- Holds back own judgement and reply while listening
- Shows understanding with verbal and non-verbal cues
- Checks and reflects facts and feelings through questions
Article Summary
Active listening turns talk into real link; when you give full mind and eyes, avoid one-up tales, picture their words, ask clear questions and feel their mood, you gain facts, cut clash and build trust at work and home.