How to Stop People Complaining
To stop people complaining, use this four-step formula:
- Listen without interruption for a while.
- Empathise with how they feel.
- Ask them, "What are you going to do about it?"
- Keep asking what THEY intend to do about it, until they stop complaining and start doing something to make it better.
To stop people complaining, take these simple steps.
1. For a while, listen without interruption.
For a while at least, you need to let people talk about how they feel. Give them a chance to express their thoughts and feelings.
But not forever. After a definite point, more complaining is not adding any value to anyone. Not even to the complainer.
So, now it is time to take step 2.
2. Empathise with how they feel.
Empathise with how they feel. Don't make them out to be wrong. Just empathise with them. Use the following words, "I understand you are feeling, BLANK (Angry, upset, annoyed, etc) and I can understand why: But let me ASK YOU A QUESTION..."
3. Ask them this fantastic question.
Say to them "What are you going to do about it?" or "What do you intend to do to make the situation better?
When you ask them what they intend to do to make the situation better, you are taking the conversation out of the negative state and putting into the positive state.
You are changing it into talking about plans of action, rather than talking about what's wrong.
You are changing the conversation from the problem to the solution.
Some complainers hate to have positive conversations.
When you change the focus of the complainers' conversation from the problem to talking about solutions, you will see complainers take one of two responses.
1. They will respond positively and will gladly talk about ways to improve the situation.
2. They will not respond positively and they will resist the invitation to improve the situation. They will try to keep on complaining by saying either; "I don't know what to do," or "There is nothing I can do".
In either case, they will avoid talking about plans for a better future and revert to complaining.
If they revert to complaining, then repeat the process.
- Listen for a while, then
- Empathise, then
- Ask them "What do you intend to do about it?"
After a few rounds, they will do one of two things,
- Stop complaining and talk about what can be done about it, or
- Leave you and go and find someone else to whom they can continue complaining; someone who won't keep asking them, "What are you going to do about it?"
Either way, you won't have to hear them complaining any more!
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Four-step method to stop complaining
In business leadership, the four-step method to stop complaining is a process that demands you first let the person speak, then show you grasp their feelings, next ask what action they will take, and finally keep asking until they offer a plan or the complaint ends.
CG4D Definition
Context: Business leadership
Genus: Process
- You listen without cutting in.
- You show clear empathy for their feelings.
- You ask, "what will you do about it?" to move them to action.
- You repeat the question until a plan forms or the complaint stops.
Article Summary
To stop people complaining, listen without cutting in, show real empathy, then ask, "What will you do about it?" Keep repeating the question until the talk shifts from what is wrong to what action they will take, turning moans into movement.