Posted 02 January 2012 by Chris Farmer
Personal Development Courses
We offer both:
• Bespoke in-house training.These can be tailored to your specific needs.
• Open training courses at locations near you.
Conflict resolution training
Conflict is inevitable. You are bound to get some.
The reason you are bound to get conflict is this: People don't have the same ideas, as you.
So they will disagree.
There is disagreement on every level:
Whether something exists or not:
- Does God exist or not
- Does Luck exist or not?
- Does life exist on Mars or not?
2. People disagree about knowledge
- Is your gut feeling a valid form of knowledge?
- Is Faith a reliable guide?
- Does science create truth or opinion?
3. People disagree about ethics
- Is it okay to steal from the rich to give to the poor?
- Is it okay to steal A4 paper from work, provided I use at least some of it for work at home?
4. People disagree about politics
- Is democracy a reliable method of governing a country when the average Man-In- the -Street has no clue on the issues at stake?
- In the 21st century should a modern, technically advanced democracy still support a tax subsidised Royal family?
5. People disagree about economics
- Should wages for the top earners be capped?
- Are immigrant workers good or bad for the economy?
6. People disagree about art
Is Tracey Emin's "work of art" really ART?
Is East Enders better than Coronation Street?
SO can we agree that disagreements are inevitable?
How should you manage them?
Here are seven conflict resolution rules to follow:
1. Only argue if you must
i.e. Don't argue for entertainment value.
If upon careful questioning you discover that Adrian:
Thinks there is No God
That Life does not exist on Mars
That Gut feeling is reliable
That Robin Hood was right
That Democracy is no good because it creates poor governments
The Queen should take charge
That the Top banker's wages should be capped
And that Tracy Emin's unmade bed is a piece of genius-art.
And IF none of these ideas impact on you, then don't get into a fight over it. Smile and say
"Very interesting: I've never thought of it in that that way before."
But if the same guy is advocating that he steals YOUR stuff to redistribute it to the poor, then you should take a definite stand.
2. When you take a stand: argue from observed facts
Become logical not emotional
Don't get emotional
Don't get opinionated
Don't become abusive
Instead: Do the opposite
When arguing use logic.
Use Factual examples to illustrate your points
Validate your claim by making reference to:
- Observable evidence
- Logical reasoning
- A coherent theory
3. Remember your purpose
Your purpose is to
- Change minds or
- Change behaviour
Your purpose is NOT
- To let off steam and let him know how he makes you feel
- NOR is your purpose to BEAT him
- NOR is your purpose to demonstrate you are a better man (or woman) than he is
Your goal is to
- Change minds or
- Change the behaviour of others
If you spend your time blowing off steam, trying to beat the other guy emotionally and playing to the gallery, then you probably won't Change, many minds nor change the behaviour of others.
4. Listen for obvious fallacies
Fallacies are breaches in logic.
Learn the fallacies and listen out for them.
Don't commit fallacies.
Here are two common fallacies:
- The democratic fallacy
- Ad hominem
The democratic fallacy
The democratic fallacy is "whichever view is the most common view, must be the correct view"
You might hear this as the expression of the democratic fallacy "You are in the minority: you are the only one who thinks that way: so you must be wrong!"
Ad hominem fallacy is attacking the person NOT the argument.
You might hear this as the expression of the ad hominem fallacy:
"What does that idiot know about nutrition: Look at him: he is fat and ugly."
5. Argue for what you DO believe in: Not only AGAINST what you don't
It is not enough to say that X is wrong.
You have to be able to say what is right. (And on what evidence).
Many people are very vehement and vocal about what they think won't work:
But become strangely reticent about what would work in its place.
"Plan number one is wrong. I am against plan number one. DOWN with plan number one!"
Is okay.....But how many numbers are there that aren't 1?
How many alternatives plans are there that are NOT number one?
Always be ready to negate another person's idea BUT ONLY IF you are willing to come up with a practical alternative.
6. Watch your body language and voice tone
As you are talking
Be assertive, but NOT aggressive
7. Remember that, it may be YOU who is wrong
Be ready to drop any and all ideas that can be demonstrated to be:
- Out of date or
- Just plain wrong!
An intelligent person must be able to drop what he has, in order to take hold of something better.
Don't believe things simply because it is comfortable to do so.
Don't disbelieve things simply because they are uncomfortable or go against decades of conviction.
Be prepared to change your mind if the evidence demands it.
Adapter or die.
For more information about conflict resolution training visit the Corporate Coach Group website