Send Us a Message

ILM Recognised Provider

Corporate Coach Group is an ILM Recognised Provider of development training.

About the Institute of Leadership & Management

CPD Accredited Member

Corporate Coach Group has training modules which are CPD Accredited. Learn more here.

About CPD Provider

Wise Words

Wise Words are those Snappy Sayings and Clever Quotations that give you Wisdom-in-a-nutshell: such as this one from Albert Einstein

Wise Words and Quotes

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything..."
Keep reading...

Wise Words and Quotes

FREE Training Questionnaires

You need to develop your skills. But which skills? And by what method?

FREE Training Needs Analysis

Take a look at this list of free, informative and engaging questionnaires.
Go ahead - have a go...

FREE Training Questionnaires

FREE eBook Download

This short book will teach you some of the secrets of leadership, including communication, handling difficult people, planning and motivation.

FREE eBook Download

Receive your free ebook straight to your inbox, with our compliments.

FREE eBook Download

3 Part Communication Skills Blog Part 1 of 3

Book Online Now, or Call Us +44 020 3856 3008
Posted 27 September 2013 by Chris FarmerChris Farmer

Personal Development Courses

We offer both:
• Bespoke in-house training.
These can be tailored to your specific needs.
• Open training courses at locations near you.
You may find the following will help with the development of your communication skills training.

3 Part Communication skills blog: Part 1 of 3


The use of words to influence others

Leaders, managers, sales people and bosses, all need to develop their communication skills.

Why?

Because they all need other people to give to them, their best performance: Leaders need the best performance from their managers. Managers need the best performance from their team. Sales people need the best from their customers. Bosses need the best performance from everyone.

And the main tool you have at your disposal to get the best performance from other people is your ability to communicate, meaning: your ability to use words and concepts, your ability to effectively use your body language and voice tones.

Here is a question for you.

"How could you develop your ability to use language, voice tones, and body language, so that you could arrive at the point, whereby you could induce, (persuade or convince) other people to do exactly what you want them to do?"

That is an intriguing question. If we devised good answers to that question, then together we could rule the world. So, let us investigate further.

Let us pick out certain elements of the question and take them one at a time.

Let us rephrase the question and concentrate on answering one particular aspect at a time.

How could you develop your ability to use your skills in the use of language, so that you could induce, (persuade or convince) other people to do exactly what you want them to do?"

Later on, in part 2, of this series of blogs we will discuss how to use your body language.

And in part 3 we will discuss how to use your voice tones.

But for now, let us think about how could you develop your language skills, so that you could induce, (persuade or convince) other people to do exactly, what you want them to do."

Communication Skills Training

Communication Skills Training

Do you ever think to yourself, "I know what I mean, but I can't explain it"? You need to be able communicate facts, feelings, information and ideas, in a clear, professional and confident manner. If you want to learn more about our communication skills training, please click here.

Here are some of the first points to consider.

  1. Do you know what it is that you want the other person to do?
  2. From the perspective of the person doing the work, have you figured out the personal motive that would induce the person to want to do it, because it is in his own best self-interest.
  3. Have you figured out the implications of the action, and the reasons for the action to be taken?

Let us discuss these three points:

  1. Do you know what it is that you want the other person to do?

If your goal is to be able to induce a person to do something specific, that presupposes that you, the influencer are absolutely clear that you know precisely what it is that you want the other person to do.

The last statement is not equivalent of knowing what you want the other person to stop doing, meaning; Knowing what you do not want is not equivalent of knowing what you do want.

It is not enough to tell a person what you don't want. You must know exactly what you would have them do. And you must know that in precise and exact terms.

You must be able to answer this question: What exact behaviour is it that you want the person to do?

The question is not. "What exact behaviour is it that you want the person to stop doing?"

The question is: What exact behaviour is it that you want the person to do?: Meaning: An exact behaviour, in the sense that you are able to picture in your mind a specific behaviour.

For example: the phrase "Show me more respect," does not designate an exact behaviour. Whereas "Would you please say "thank you" to me more often, when I do things for you," does designate a specific behaviour.

Step one therefore, is to identify the exact behaviour that you want to induce the other to do.

Step 2. From the perspective of the person doing the work, you need to figure out a personal motive that would induce the person to want to do it, because he-she would regard it as being in his own best self-interest.

Here is a principle of persuasion that I think you should regard as true for the vast majority of people; the vast majority of people are motivated by their own self-interest and or the self-interest of their loved ones. This means that people are primarily motivated to do things that will benefit themselves and or their immediate loved ones.

And they are not motivated to do things that represent no benefit for themselves or their immediate loved ones.

Therefore they are not motivated to do what you want them to do, unless, or until, you can plant the suggestion in their mind, that acting in that way would render a benefit to them personally or would improve the lot of their loved ones.

If you can plant the idea in the mind that the action you are suggesting will bring to the person taking the action, a personal benefit, or it will bring a benefit to his family, then he will want to do it. He will be motivated to do it and he will do all he can to achieve it.

But if you fail to successfully plant the idea that the action you are suggesting will bring to the person, or his-her family, a personal benefit, then he will not want to do it. He will not be fully motivated to do it and he will therefore not do all he can to achieve it.

People are motivated primarily by their own self-interest; for themselves and their own family.

If the action benefits me, or my family, then it motivates me. If it does not, then it does not.

Your challenge as a persuader is to present the action and link it to a personal benefit. What is in it for the other person?

Always tie the action to a benefit message. The benefit needs to be for him, or his loved ones, not for you.

This is where your sense of empathy and imagination will step in to help you. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask "What is in it for me, if I do this?". Find a benefit and he will want to act.

Unless you find a benefit he will not be motivated to act.

Step two in persuasion is: From the perspective of the other person, find a personal motive to act.

Step 3. Figure out the purpose of the action, and the reasons for the action to be taken.

This step is a direct relation to the previous step. Identify the implications and reasons for the action, meaning state the projected purpose and implications of the action.

This means that every action is intended to create an end result or end product.

Every action must have a purpose.

The purpose is one of two things.

You act because you think that by action you will achieve a certain pleasurable outcome. Or you act because you think that by action, you will avoid a certain painful consequence.

Or a combination of the two.

Your mission is to identify the pleasurable consequences that the person acting will enjoy if he does the thing you are suggesting.

Or your mission is to identify the painful consequences that the person acting will have to suffer, if he fails to act, in the way you are suggesting.

Or a combination of the two.

This is sometimes called the "pleasure - pain" principle of motivation.

And you can use this to suggest to the person the purpose and the reason for taking action.

The purpose is to gain pleasurable benefits.

And the reason is to avoid painful consequences.

Purpose and reasons.

Everyone needs to see a benefit for acting and a consequence for failing to act.

If he sees that and understands it, he will act.

If he does not see it, he has no reason to act, and so he won't.

Step three to persuasion is to identify and suggest to the other the pleasurable benefits of taking action and the painful consequences of not taking action.

Summary of part one of the blog

"How could you develop your ability to use language, so that you could arrive at the point, whereby you could induce, (persuade or convince) other people to do exactly what you want them to do?"

  • Step one: Identify the exact behaviour that you want to induce the other to do.
  • Step two: From the perspective of the other person, find a personal motive to act.
  • Step three: Identify and suggest to the other the pleasurable benefits of taking action and the painful consequences of not taking action.

Do that and he will act.

Additional notes.

Remember that communication has three channels: Words, voice tone, and body language.

We have discussed words: what you should say.

In the next part of this series of three blogs we will discuss how to use your body language.

We will analyse the term "body language" into its constituent elements.

Your body language is composed of the following subset elements.

  • Posture
  • Dress
  • Gestures
  • Eye contact
  • Expression
  • Orientation
  • Proximity
  • Touch
  • Context

In the next blog, we will look at all of these. Please click on any of the links below.

The use of words to influence others.

The use of body language to influence others.

The use of voice tones to influence others.

Please follow Communication skills: effective body language for the second part in this series

FREE Training Needs Analysis

FREE Training Needs Analysis!

In order to get the best from your training, you need to discover your relative strengths and weaknesses. Take our FREE training needs analysis questionnaire now and get a report in less than five minutes!

If you think a friend might enjoy this, please share it with them:

Blog Email Subscription

Do you want to receive an email whenever we post a new blog? The blogs contain articles 5-10 minutes long - ideal for reading during your coffee break!
If you wish to sign up for this, please click here.

Improve yourself with Training Courses

Good training is important for your continued professional development. You may find this very popular course will help with the development of your communication skills training. Reserve your place today.

Your Comments

Nobody has rated this blog yet... based on 4 reviews, 4 out of 5 stars.
Would you like to rate this blog?

X