A Six-Step Formula for Great Conversations
If you want to have a great conversation with anyone, follow this simple six-step formula.
Two basic truths
There are two basic truths:
- Everyone lives with a gap between their current situation and their desired situation. They are always looking for people who can help them close that gap - to move from what they have, to what they want for the future.
- Most people are interested in the future well-being of themselves and their family. Any conversation that focuses on those subjects will hold their attention.
From these two truths comes a six-step formula for great conversations:
The six-step formula
Follow this six-step formula:
- Ask about their current situation.
Begin with what's going well. Everyone has some things that are working. Start here because most people like to talk about good things in their life.
Then move on to what is NOT going so well - what they see as a problem or a deficiency. On any day there are always some things that are not going so well. - Ask about their desired situation.
Once you understand what is not going so well, ask how they would like it to be. Ask, "If things were better, how would life look?" Everyone wants the future to be better than the present. - Ask the if-then question about pleasure gained.
Ask, "If that change happened, then what pleasurable benefit would you enjoy?" This draws out the positive outcomes they want; the gains, improvements, or advantages that make the change desirable. - Ask the if-then question about pain removed.
Ask, "If that change happened, then what painful or frustrating situation would disappear or be reduced?" This clarifies the current discomforts or pressures they want to escape. - Bridge the gap.
Move the conversation to how you might help the person go from where they are to where they want to be. You may be able to help directly, perhaps with information, practical assistance, or ideas.
The key image is the bridge. Your insight or help forms the solution to their problem; the means of moving from where they are to where they want to be.
By the end of this stage, they should have in mind one, two, or three practical actions they can take towards a better future. That is the aim of your conversation.
The more you can move people mentally in the direction of their better futures, the more they will value your conversations. - Keep the focus on them.
The secret of being seen as a great conversationalist is that the conversation is not about you; it's about them. You make them the subject of the conversation, and you talk about how they can make their future better than the present; how they can improve upon their current situation.
When people see your conversations as being about their progress and their better future, they will see you as a great conversationalist.
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Six-Step Conversation Formula
A short, six-question process used in business talks. It guides the other person from their present state to a better future by exploring what works, what does not, the gains they seek, and the pains they wish to lose, before agreeing clear next moves. The focus stays on them throughout.
CG4D Definition
Context: Business communication
Genus: Process
- Runs through six ordered questions that move the talk from present to future
- Keeps the spotlight on the other person at every stage
- Highlights the gap between current and desired states to create need and direction
- Ends with agreed, practical actions that bridge that gap
Article Summary
Great conversations happen when you guide someone from their current life to their hoped-for future: ask what works and what does not, explore the gains they want and the pain they wish to lose, then offer clear steps while keeping the focus on them.