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Wise Words

Wise Words are those Snappy Sayings and Clever Quotations that give you Wisdom-in-a-nutshell: such as this one from Albert Einstein

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"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything..."
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How can I Stop Worrying So Much?

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Posted 04 November 2013 by Chris FarmerChris Farmer

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You may find the following will help with your Assertiveness skills training.

How to stop worrying so much

Do you think that you would perform better if you had freedom from excessive worry and fear?
Probably yes.

Do you think that there are many people who are suffering and under performing because they have a tendency to worry too much over things that they cannot change?
Probably yes.

It has been said the only thing we should fear, is fear itself, meaning: if you could rid yourself of excessive doubts and fears, and restrict yourself to worrying over only legitimate fears, then you would perform at a higher level.

Fear can work for you or against you. Fear is both good for you and it can be bad for you, it depends how you use it.

Fear can be good for you

In the right context, fear can be a great benefit. If a giant, savage looking and aggressive tiger walks into the room, right now, and looks at you hungrily, then you would be right to be fearful. It would be dangerous not to be. In this context, fear helps you because it triggers the fight or flight mechanism as you flood your blood with stress hormones and glycogen. Ready to fight like a tiger or run like the wind.

So in this case, fear is good for you.
If you were completely fearless, then you would probably be killed within a week.

On the other hand, in the wrong context, fear is a great hindrance

If a tiny spider walks across the table during the sales conference and you scream and run out of the room in terror, then your irrational fear of spiders is not assisting you to look cool. You will probably be out of a job within a week.

In a work context, fear can be a great hindrance. If you are required to make an important presentation to the board at a conference and the idea of you having to make a presentation to the board makes you scream and run out of the room in terror, then your irrational fear of making speeches in public is not assisting you to look cool. You will probably be out of a job within a week.

So the rule is to discipline your fear

Be afraid only of those things that are actually dangerous. Like tigers.

Don't be afraid of those things that are actually not dangerous. Like public speaking.

Discipline your fear.

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How to discipline your fear

Recognise that fear is an emotion; and that all emotions flow not from a source outside of you, but rather from a source that is inside your own brain.

In other words, spiders don't make you fearful; making a public speech does not make you fearful. Your fear is not the product of having to make speeches in public. Instead your fear is the product of the thought processes that you engage in, whenever you think about making a speech in public.

You feel your thoughts.

If you feel fearful it is because you are thinking that the future event will be a painful one.
If you think that the future event will be a painful one, then you will feel fear.

You will only feel fear, if you think that the future event will be a painful one

If you did not think that the future event would be a painful one, then you would feel no fear.
If you want to stop feeling so much fear, then stop thinking and presupposing that the future event will be a painful one.
If you want to feel confident, not fearful, about the future event, then discipline your imagination to think of how the future event could result in pleasurable consequences for you.

If you assumed that the future events will result in pleasurable consequences, or at least, not painful ones, then you will have developed the ability to banish fear from your mind, and replace it with either calmness or a positive expectation.

And that would be better than fear.

Remember that fear, like any other emotion, is a product of the mind, not of the external environment.
And you are capable, with practice, of controlling the content of your own mind.

The more control you exercise over what you allow your imagination to picture, and what you allow your inner voice to say to yourself, then the more control you will have over yourself, your emotions, your reactions to external events, and therefore your personal effectiveness.

Control the content of your mind and direct it towards a vision of a successful outcome.

Then you will have learned to control your fear.

Thank you.

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