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Emotional Intelligence Training

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Posted 04 August 2014 by Chris FarmerChris Farmer

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You may find the following will help with your Assertiveness skills training.

Emotional Intelligence Training

In any given situation, how you feel emotionally, strongly affects how you act.
You would agree with me on that, wouldn't you?

If you feel like a winner, then you will be more likely to win.
If you feel like a loser, then you will be more likely to lose.

In any given situation, how you act is affected strongly by how you feel.

The next interesting question to ask is..........

Where do your feelings come from?

In order to understand emotional intelligence, you need to understand only one thing.

Please note well the following. Memorise and ponder the full implications of the following sentence.
"You feel whatever you think about".

You feel whatever you think about

  • If you think you will win, then you will feel strong.
  • If you think you will lose, then you will feel weak.
  • If you think she is lying to you, then you will feel annoyed.
  • If you think you are in trouble, then you will feel nervous.

If you think you are on board an unsinkable ship, then you won't get into the life boats, even though you can see the water is flooding over the poop deck.

It is interesting: You don't respond emotionally to the actual situation, as it really is.

No.

  • Instead, you respond emotionally to what you think the situation is.
  • Or you respond emotionally to what you think the situation will become.
  • Or you respond emotionally to what you think the situation will mean to your future.

You don't respond emotionally to the situation as it really is. Instead, you respond to what you think about it.

You feel whatever you think about

Whatever you think about, you will feel.

The next interesting question is : Who controls what you think about?

Answer: You do. Or at least, you should.

If you want to control how you feel, you must take control of the content of your own mind

If you take conscious control of your own mind, then you will be able to control how you feel in any given situation. And if you can take control of how you feel in any given situation, then you can better control how you will act, in that situation.

And if you can better control how you act in any given situation, then you can control the result of the situation and make the result suit you.
Emotional management boils down to "thought control".

Emotional management boils down to "mind control"

In order to be a master at emotional management, you must learn to take conscious control of the content that you allow to occupy your mind, at any given moment.

What should you focus your mind upon?

There are two things upon which you should focus your mind.
And there are three things upon which you should NOT focus your mind.

The three things upon which you should NOT focus your mind

  1. Do not focus your mind on how the future could be bad. Do not imagine things going wrong.
    Do not imagine yourself losing. Do not imagine failure. If you imagine these things, you will feel weak, beaten and defeated even before you start.
  2. Do not keep thinking about what has already gone wrong. No need to keep replaying the tapes of past defeats. Don't go over the past. Don't repeat the post-mortem of your past upsets and defeats.
  3. Don't regress too much into wondering what other people are thinking about you. Don't try to constantly mind read other people's reactions to you. Don't worry too much about what other people think of you. Too much self-consciousness will hamper your spontaneity and will cause you to be too cautious.

The two things upon which you should focus your mind.

  1. You should focus your mind on the facts of the current situation. Keep your eyes and ears open. Focus on the facts of the case. Absorb as much information as you can. Knowledge is power.
    Read the signs. Listen carefully. Take careful notes.
  2. You should focus your mind on what you want; your goals. Keep your mind on your goal. Keep your mind thinking about what it is you want? Keep your mind thinking about your preferred outcome?

And then try to see any links between the current situation and your goals. Keep your mind active.
How can you utilise elements of the current situation to make progress towards your goal.

Emotional management is based upon your ability to control the content of your conscious mind

Since you feel whatever you think about, if you take control of your mind and cause it to focus on the facts of the current situation and how you might utilise those facts to achieve your goals, then you will emotionally, feel strong.

And if you slip up here, if you allow your mind to dwell for too long, on how the future will be all wrong, how the past was filled with injustice and failure, then you will feel weaker.

And similarly, if you allow your mind to be perpetually wondering if other people like you or not; always thinking about other people's perceptions of you, then you will undercut your confidence and you will feel weaker.

Emotional management is about directing the focus of your mind and conversation

Once you understand the principles, you can apply them to others. You can use the same emotional management principles to help others manage their emotions.

  1. Keep other people's conversation off their fears of a bad future.
  2. Keep their conversation off going over the bad past, and
  3. Keep their conversation off self-conscious wondering about what other people think.

Try to keep the conversation of other people on the topics of:

  1. Their goals. Ask them what they want for a better future.
  2. The facts of the current situation. Ask them about the facts of their current situation.
  3. Then ask them how they might use the facts of their current situation to achieve their goals.

If you get really good at directing the content of conversation and conscious thought, then you will have fully mastered the art of emotional management.

How exciting!

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